First of all, what is a ‘giving away’?
Traditionally the father, or male role model of the bride, walked her down the aisle and gave his permission for the union to take place.
This is very much unnecessary now. We should all be free to love and marry as we like; plus, you know, women aren’t chattels – so that’s good.
However, the aisle procession remains a beautiful wedding tradition and is now interpreted as a loving, supporting hand, helping you reach your partner on the most special day of your life. It’s a metaphor, really, of all your chosen person/people have done to support you throughout your life, and to help you become your best self, ready to accept the love of someone amazing.
Often brides now will have both parents walk them down the aisle, or will ask another significant role model to assist them on the day. It is a real honour to be asked to walk a wedding partner in.
Aisle processions aren’t just for brides; either or both partners might like to make an aisle entrance supported by family, friends, pets, children. Meanwhile, some partners decide to walk in together, with or without a support crew.
When you all reach your ceremony positions, it can be a nice time for a hug, kiss, handshake or totally-super-fun-high-five. For many couples, this marks the end of the aisle procession.
Some couples, particularly those looking for a traditional feel on their day, also like to have a spoken Giving Away or Family/ Community Acceptance Statements.
Giving Away:
The traditional script is –
“Who brings this woman to be married to this man?”
Father: “I do.”
We can change this, however, by flipping the partners, making it gender neutral, and so on. We can direct this statement to just one wedding party or to both, separately or together.
So, it could be:
“Who brings this man to be married to this man?”
“Who brings this person to be married to this woman?”
“Who brings this couple to be married today?”
And any variation of that you can imagine.
Family Acceptance Statements:
The statement language is often altered to make it less of a ‘giving away’ of a member, and more of an acceptance of a new family member.
It could be worded like this:
“Who gives their blessing for this marriage today?”
Or…
“Who lovingly supports this couple as they take this step forward together today?”
A longer statement can also be made, where the couple’s families welcome each other explicitly. That might sound a bit more like this:
“(The bride/groom/partner) has been supported by (whomever you so wish) who have walked them down this aisle to meet (partner) today.
They have asked for (whomever you so wish) to give their blessing for this marriage today as a show of gratitude and respect for their love and care.
And so I ask,
Do you give your love and blessings to this marriage?
Do you open your hearts and family to (partner) and vow to support them as you would your own child/family/etc?
(Chosen person/people): We do.”
Community Blessing:
A blessing can also be asked of all of your guests, as your chosen community. You can ask that they stand by you both and support your marriage into the future, instead of just asking the family or chosen few guests.
Picture it like this:
“(Your names) are so honoured that you could all be present with them today. Your love and support means the world to them and so they have asked that you all provide your blessing today.
I will ask a question now and if you agree with it please say ‘We do’.
Do you give your full support and blessings to this union today?
Guests: We do.”
I’ve been a part of ceremonies that have taken all of these different approaches, and it never ceases to amaze me how unique and beautiful they can be.
There is no right or wrong way to kick off your ceremony. My suggestion is that you do whatever suits you; whatever feels right, meaningful and comfortable!